In periods of marital distress, escape fantasies bring relief: “My next partner will be better.”
Odds are, they won’t be.
More than half of divorced persons have regrets about the break-up of their marriage.
Most wish they had tried harder to prevent the divorce.
If you manage to get married again, the probability of dissatisfaction looms large.
This is on my mind today because I just said goodbye to the parents of a new baby boy after our first couples therapy session.
We just finished a successful session. Despite this, Bethany was having difficulty accepting my opinion that their marriage could thrive.
The shocked disbelief I saw on her face was predictable because 2 marriage “experts” recently recommended they separate.
Enjoy time together again
I had allowed Bethany and Noah to be vulnerable with each other; to gaze into each other’s eyes; and to experience loving compassion for each other.
When they could tolerate their forgotten emotional closeness, they found it magical and thrilling!
They were courageous; they accessed deeply enjoyable emotional intimacy; and their soulful connection re-emerged.
Later that night, Noah emailed me to say he and Bethany had spent the 9 hours following our session enjoying time together like they had not done since their relationship began.
I’m confident in this couple’s capacity for enduring marital satisfaction. I can see they see something special in each other’s eyes.
Get help for your relationship
Dr. Ryan is here to help you learn to reconnect and enjoy spending time together.
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